I quit my stressful IT job and moved from London to Cornwall in April 2011, and it has been the best of times and the worst of times. I had a beautiful son Toby who died on 10th July 2011. I loved him more than anything. My son was my only really successful project, he was still finding his way in life and I was so proud of him. He had a good heart and that was enough for me.
I have sold encyclopaedias in Germany, lived in Chicago and got married in a wedding chapel in Phoenix. I have spent all my money on shoes, bags, cars and holidays and fallen in love with totally unreliable men. I have loved, lost, lived and all through it I always had one dream.
That dream was to live in Cornwall my spiritual home. I started going there as a child as my aunt lived in Penzance and I fell in love with it and consider it my true home. I spent many happy holidays there with Toby.
When I am in Cornwall and walking on the beach in Marazion I am as happy as I ever will be. I have come home and nothing really matters. As long as my legs can walk and my lungs can breathe and my eyes can see the sky and the birds and my ears can hear the sea and the wind, then I can be at peace.
I share my life with my little dog Elfie, but having lost my beloved son Toby and my father in the space of 5 months in 2011, I am finding my ‘new normal’. I am searching for meaning and purpose amongst the loss and tragedy of my life.
My purpose now is to help others affected by the tragedy of losing a child to suicide, one of the worst type of losses anyone can experience. I write this blog and run an online support group for parents who have lost a child to suicide.
In 2014 I started a full time degree course at Falmouth University, studying Journalism, so am starting the next chapter of my life, proving that you can go on following your worst nightmare and it’s never too late to follow your dream. I know that is what Toby would have wanted.