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Losing a child to Suicide 
Dear Anne
Perhaps my wife and I don’t qualify for your help because our son (21) is still alive after several attempts at suicide. On August 28, 2011 he set fire to the family home. He was found the following day, having tried to hang himself. Our house and our lives are in ruins. Our son is in a mental hospital, but he wants nothing to do with us. We don’t know of anyone in our situation.
It looks as if we will have a legal battle on our hands to get compensation (£50,000) for the damage to buildings and contents. It is through the kindness of churches and friends that some progress has been made in rendering part of our property habitable. We never how much damage smoke could do.
We knew our son had been having problems over the last few years. We made sure he went to the GP. Because he was doing full time work, no one was too concerned. We had no idea he would perform a criminal act in order to get attention; but he didn’t intend to be around to face the consequences.
I have begn suffering from panic attacks. The GP’s will see me once or twice; then it’s up to me to fund private counselling. There’s something fundamentally wrong with the system.
Yours sincerely
Phil
So sorry to hear these stories. I was once a young person who was on the verge of doing so but was restrained by impressions from a loving God. I have since found purpose and meaning. That said, I host a podcast and have just interviewed a woman who found hope through the gospel while grieving suicide. If it helps anyone, it is available on ibelievepodcast.com or youtube or FB page by same name. Karen Trifiletti, Host, with guest Darla Isackson, Finding Hope While Grieving Suicide. My heart goes out to all these young people suffering. I wish to help them and families who have already lost a loved one. God bless you in your journey.
Hi Anne
My name is Stephen Habgood and I’m Chairman of PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide. When you have a moment it would be good to speak to you – perhaps you could call me on 01785 824244.
Kind regards
Stephen
Hello Anne,
I have just read some of your page (not all yet)
My beautiful boy took his own life on Boxing Day 2011. I was watching ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ on t.v and didn’t know he was in the garage, already gone. My husband found him around lunchtime and our lives changed forever. I have twin teenage daughters, who have been my reason for carrying on, and a close family giving us the support we need to get this far.
I still could never say, ‘I know how you feel’ because our lovely boys, memories and experiences are very different but I can see you have continued to make a good life which is what I must continue to do.
Thanks.
Regards, Anne Cain
Dear Anne,
My darling son and I were the last of our family. Now I have lost him. I see that you, too, have no family left. Do you, or have you, had horrible panic attacks? The newest dimension of my bereavement is crying and shaking with sheer terror. I am not ‘my’ to anybody any more. I really don’t think I can live with this.
hello ann just say i lost my son my youngest on the1st june 2009 he was 21.its the knowing why did i miss something because im his mam to protct him .yes michael had been down for a week before but my son like that so it was not out of character not able find a job having no money .i feel there so much pressure on the youth of today not fitting in .micheal had his own flat loved his space came to mine every day .his dad and i are divorced but was so close to his dad his best friend .saturday at mine he was back to normal laughing smiling again .monday we had ask the police to go too his flat as we were worried as there was no contact from him .his dad was on the rigs michael never missed a call from his dad .my daughter lost a baby earlier in the year.AT 4.45 pm she rang to say she was preagant .At 5.00 pm the police were knocking at the door .Then my life changed for ever my son had took his own life two diffrent emtion s in the space if 15minutes .this was no cry for help he had hung himself.when i went to see him he looked asleep .we had his service on his 22nd burthday 11th june .i miss him every day .you grieve for life lost and miilestones that there going to miss .he was my daft lad the one who always made you laghh .thats why ifind it hard not knowing why.yes there was note just so sorry to his dad that was really all.miss you so much michael what i would give for one last cuddle .Try to accept the path you choose to go but its hard see you inmy dreams x jan
Just stumbled across your page and poem Anne, it is Christmas eve, the first Christmas without my son who was 23 yrs old when he took his life 10 months ago. It is the hardest year of my life, and I reach out to others to gain support and look for ways of continuing on with such a loss. A Mum is not supposed to bury her child. Sometimes I am still in shock, even though I know its happened, it is hard to face the reality. I have two other children, my oldest son 26 yrs just got married 4 months ago and now living in U.S. (which is also hard) we live in Australia with my hubbie and our daughter who is 19, she misses both her brothers! We will continue on in honour of our darling Ashley, feel his spirit close and he will be in our hearts forever. Thank you for your blog. Much blessings to you Anne…..love Janelle Teague …Australia
I have been searching for a website, since
I lost my son last April, aged 33.
Just typing this, I’m in bits.
I have to push everything out of my mind.
If I start to think of how, etc., I cant ,for fear of
not being able to control the emotions.
If I was a little off balance, I wouldn’t be here!!!
I have two other daughters, both younger.
Its hard to keep strong for everyone.
Jane Taylor
Jane I am so sorry. I know you don’t want to think about it but sometimes keeping it all in just means you are storing up emotions that will overflow at some point. find a really good counsellor, even it is just to talk through, and even though it may feel worse to start with you may find by letting some of it out, it will help you find peace in the longer term. You don’t need to be strong. Lots of love Anne
Hey. Thanks for your blog, and so sorry for the loss of your son. My best friend committed suicide on the 7th October this year (2013). We were very close. I am still friends with his mom who visits me, and I just wish I knew how to help her. I have brain damage and am not always great at talking, but just wish I could support her in some way. I am really struggling myself, so I can barely imagine how his mom must be suffering. Is there anything particular I can do to help his mom? I have been close to suicide, I have many disabilities, and I can tell you, that when you are in that frame of mind, you truly believe everyone will be better off without you, and that they will get over you quickly. Of course this is false, but suicide itself can be thought of as an illness, because the thought processes are so distorted, that you feel there is no other option. If at that moment, you were able to understand the suffering of people you leave behind, you would stop, but you truly believe your loved ones will not suffer. It is a mental distortion and not something you have any control over. Hope that can give you an idea of the place a person is in when they are close to suicide. Hope you are having as happy a day as is possible for you. Thanks again for your wonderful blog, and hugs to you from cold wintry London, crispy
Hi Chris, I am sorry you lost your best friend in this way. I often think of Toby’s friends and am so sad they had to come to the funeral of their friend. It tore me apart seeing them saying goodbye.. I think you are doing great. Just keep visiting his Mum, it will mean so much to her and talk about him and keep his memory alive. Talk about all the good times. You don’t need to do anything special, just being there is enough. Look after yourself too and talk to a counsellor if you can. Thank you for your insight into the state of mind of someone considering this drastic action. I have felt angry with Toby at times, but I know he was ill. Thank you and best wishes to you, take care and hugs to you too. Thank you for getting in touch. Each person my blog touches helps me with my grief and loss
Dear Anne, Thank you for this blog. I am so heartbroken. I am so sorry for your loss. My youngest son Adam died by suicide on 10/11/12. I miss him terribly. I found him. He hanged himself. He was 24 years old and had his whole life ahead of him. Everyday is a struggle. I cry alot. I feel so alone sometimes. Im trying to stay strong but its so hard. Thank you to everyone for sharing.
Hi Amy. On may 29th of this year my son (Brandon) took his life. He and I were very close, but he wasn’t the kind of man that liked to talk about personal problems. He’s gone now and it seems to rip a little piece of my heart out every day. I’m not really a person to open up to people. But I need to talk to someone
Hi Glen, I am so sorry you lost your son, the grief is unbearable at the beginning, all the unanswered questions and guilt in addition to the loss. There is a support forum you can join where you can communicate with other parents who understand your pain and can give support and friendship. Go to http://www.losingachildtosuicide.ning.com to join.
In time you can find a way to live with this, it is a long hard journey, but I am 3 years along and have found a way to have a good life while remembering my son.
Sending you love and best wishes
Anne
Hi Terence, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful son. I hope that in time you can find a way to keep his memory alive for his brother, and Lear to live with your loss in a healthy way. Sending love and best wishes. Anne
Hi Anne thank you so much for your blog really feel what you going through on the 4th of August my on Andreesan Govender hung himself my wife and i are gutted so is his 6 year old brother life is just nver the same and as people say you need to be strong for the family its easy to say but harder to do, my heart goes out to all those who have went through this stay blessed. Terrence Govender, Johannesburg, South Africa
Dear Anne, Thank you for creating this wonderfully helpful site. I’d love to connect with you and perhaps we can work toward preventing suicide together. I’m always here if you want to talk. Madeline Sharples
email: madeline40@gmail.com
mobile: 310 463-7641.
Hi Ann I have been reading your blogs and wish for you to contact me I lost my son through suicide on 30th April 2013 on his 25th birthday I am still in constant pain and the struggle to continue living is very hard for me even though it will be 3 years in April. I felt some comfort reading about you and your experiences and will love to connect to you to give you more details.
Dear Anne,
I write this at night, when sleep again eludes me. Each night I search the Internet for some kind of solace, why I picked your site I do not know, but once I had started reading I could see that perhaps it was ordained. The mention of Penzance Railway Station, Perranuthnoe and Marazion gave me immense relief, a kindred soul nearby, who obviously loved and took comfort in our location. I live in Ludgvan and have for thirty eight years, having been born and grown up in Newlyn, I am fortunate enough to have lived here all my life.
The reason that I search the Internet is that my son Alastair, took his own life on June 10th 2016. He was thirty one. Like you, my love for him was overwhelming and all consuming, unlike you, I am ‘fortunate’ in having two other sons, Alastair was the middle one. Laurence is 32 and Jonathan is 26. There is another uncanny connection here, Jonathan studied Journalism at Falmouth also.
There is little point in burdening you with details now, but if we could have some sort of dialogue, I would be so very grateful.
Take care and sending you my very best thoughts,
Denise