It’s three years today since Toby died. I hate to even write those words. I am on holiday on The Isles of Scilly. I am staying on a tiny island called Brhyer where over every hill is a deserted, white sandy beach, glinting with diamond dust. The views are breathtaking and I have never felt closer to heaven on earth. So I couldn’t be in a better place to remember Toby and reflect on my life since he went away, my life now and a future that beckons.
Coming here this week was a conscious choice. I decided after the first heart wrenching, gut churning, tortuous first anniversary that I would do something special for this week every year from now on to honour my son, to remember him and to honour my grief as a mother.
So here I am. Alone with my little dog Elfie who has been my salvation. It is everything I wanted. Solitude to sit and just be and remember my son. Beauty and peace to heal my heart and soul, and happiness which gives me hope for the future.
i feel blessed to be able to come here, I am staying at a really nice hotel. I feel blessed to live the life I do, and I am looking forward to a whole new future starting in September when I go to University
So looking back, I would never have imagined I would be here writing these words on that dark day on 10th July 2011.
I miss you Toby, more than you will ever know, and I will never forget you or stop missing you, but look at me, I’m getting on with life, you would want me to I know.
I wonder where I’ll be next year, rest in peace my beautiful boy. IALY