Author Archives: annwae

Ten years…

Ten years….. Waking up every day with an ache so deep in my soul I want to wail like a wounded animal Ten years without hearing your voice, your laugh, your Toby wisdom, your infectious laugh Ten years without hearing … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

The me you can’t see

Ten years…..ten years…..ten years without you, ten years of pain, ten years of trying to live my best life – without you. In many ways I cope well, everyone says I am so strong and an inspiration – but they … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

My top 5 reflections on surviving in times of crisis

Now, more than ever, is a time of reflection. Millions of people around the world have had their lives shattered and turned upside down, out of the blue, with no warning and everything they thought was normal and safe has … Continue reading

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Happy 32nd birthday

Dear Toby, What do I say to you now on the day that would have been your 32nd birthday, the ninth one where I can’t send you a card or a Facebook message. You wouldn’t be on Facebook anyway if … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Christmas, gratitude, Grief, Healing, Loss, suicide | 3 Comments

Was I a complete failure as a parent?

One of the traumas parents often face in the complex and tragic aftermath of losing a child to suicide, is the feeling of being a complete failure as a parent. We are supposed to protect them. From the time they … Continue reading

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Letting go…..

Today, 7 years and 6 months later, I’ve finally decided to throw out the shirt Toby was wearing when he died. It is so hard to let go of anything that reminds me of Toby, but the other day I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Will it get better?

I often get emails from desperate parents who have lost their child to suicide recently, and the first thing they ask is ‘Will it get better?’ In the early weeks and months this is all you really want to hear. … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | 4 Comments

It will get better……

I saw this today posted from The Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide in America. Having just heard from someone with a recent loss, I think this mostly describes how I feel. Time does not heal, the sadness never ends, you … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Happy Birthday

Dear Toby, This year you would be 31 in earth years, born 22nd December 1987 in the early hours of the morning in Good Samaritan hospital in Phoenix, Arizona. You were due on the 29th but came a week early … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Christmas, guilt, Loss, parents, suicide | 10 Comments

Why are we so uncomfortable talking about death?

Living alone and being single, I often find myself in situations where I am meeting people for the first time. I belong to walking groups, a writing group, a women’s business group and a dining club, so it is common … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Loss, suicide | 5 Comments