Author Archives: annwae

Will I ever get over the guilt?

Posted on February 4, 2014 by annwae

‘GUILT. Guilt comes from a mistaken belief that we could have, or should have, prevented the death from happening, or from regret over irreconciled aspects of the relationship. In truth, we all do the best we can given our human … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, Grief, guilt, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | 80 Comments

Can we separate the ‘death’ from the life?

Posted on January 26, 2014 by annwae

 I had a ‘suicide’ drawer in my dresser. When Toby died I accumulated all manner of upsetting papers and documents. The first was an ‘Interim certificate of death’. Imagine going to open the post and seeing ‘Toby Thorn’ ‘Asphyxiation’ and … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Healing, Loss, suicide | 6 Comments

It is so bad…..

Posted on September 15, 2013 by annwae

I realise that someone falling upon this blog who starts reading from the newest posts may not fully understand the events or the experiences that have led me to this point.   A comment on my latest post has led … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments

Awakening from a coma

Posted on July 28, 2013 by annwae

It’s been just over two years since I encountered the life shattering tragedy of losing my son Toby to suicide. I have spoken before about the trauma being like a brain injury, everything I knew, believed in and valued was … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, gratitude, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | 22 Comments

Second anniversay

Posted on July 10, 2013 by annwae

I am feeling much more peaceful this year and am spending the anniversary at home, just quietly remembering my beautiful boy. This is what I said at his funeral. What can you say about a 23 year old young man … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I hope you had the time of your life

Posted on April 7, 2013 by annwae

I remember distinctly the first time I heard this song. I was watching a documentary on BBC2 about a family who had a son who was autistic. He got so distressed by eveyday life, they had moved to some remote … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on March 10, 2013 by annwae

Of course Mother’s Day is a difficult day for anyone who has lost a child or lost their Mother. Like Valentine’s Day we are bombarded with adverts and this just shines a spotlight on the empty place in our lives … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Grief doesn’t get any better than this.

Posted on January 27, 2013 by annwae

What if it doesn’t get any better than this? I asked myself this question today and I was surprised that the answer I found was ‘That’s OK’. I am OK with that, in fact better than OK. Mind you at … Continue reading →

Posted in gratitude, Grief, Healing, Loss, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

If only we could bottle memories

Posted on December 30, 2012 by annwae

I wonder if in these futuristic times in which we live, we will ever be able to store up feelings and memories and then re-experience them in virtual reality. One of the recurring statements I hear from people who have lost … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Loss, parents, suicide, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

It is there

Posted on December 26, 2012 by annwae

Warning – this post contains some content that may upset bereaved parents It is there. It is there when I wake up in the morning, it is there as I get ready for work, it is there as I drive … Continue reading →

Posted in bereavement, Grief, guilt, Loss, parents, suicide | 15 Comments