After the loss of a child it can be difficult to get through all the special days; birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas.
But Mother’s Day is especially difficult. We are surrounded by fluffy images of Mums and children and all our friends with children are looking forward to a happy day where they get cards, flowers and get taken out for a treat, or are brought breakfast in bed by the hubby and kids.
Toby was my only child, but I still call myself a ‘Mother’, I still feel like a mother, I am a mother and will always be ‘Toby’s Mom’.
This week I got a message from the daughter of one of my friends in the choir, and she said she had thought of me and thought Mother’s Day might be difficult and invited me to join her and her Mum for afternoon tea today. I was so touched that someone I don’t know very well had thought of me.
So today I will celebrate Mother’s Day or Mothering Sunday as my Mum insisted it should be called; she said ‘Mother’s Day’ came from the Americans!
I will remember my Mum who has been gone eight years and my son Toby. Toby wasn’t always the best at sending cards, but I have got the last card he sent me from my memory box and put it on my sideboard.
This is what he wrote
Mom,
I realise that most of the time I don’t show any appreciation for the countless things you do, and help me to do. The truth is, despite the fact that I have trouble expressing my appreciation, and at times it may be non-existent, I -do- appreciate everything you have done, and are still doing for me. Without you I wouldn’t have the wonderful life that I do now, and I am sure that, regardless of rows, arguments, mistakes and so forth, without you I would not be a fraction of the person I am today, Thank you. Toby
P.S. Sorry the card says Happy Birthday, I didn’t look inside. Although I did miss sending you a card for that, so it kinda works xxx
My reply to him would be
Toby,
Without you I would not be a fraction of the person I am today – thank you. Mom x
P.S. IALY
Happy Mothering Sunday to Mums everywhere and remember you are always your child’s Mum even if they have passed on.
Losing a child to Suicide 
Toby’s card is so beautiful.
Thank you x
Soooo beautifully expressed. I will be sharing this cherished post on Monday, March 31st at a support group extension of Compassionate Friends, just for Mom’s. A new member lost her only daughter, age 15, to cancer last year. So, yes, we are and always be a Mother, whether our “children” (whatever their age) have gone before us or not………. Lori Robinson (CA)
Thank you Lori, I think it is so sad when Moms feel they can’t celebrate Mother’s Day after the loss of a child. My view is we should always celebrate being a mother and I hope in time the pain for the newly bereaved Moms can turn into a time of remembrance of all we shared with out precious children, even though it has been cut short.
My only child killed himself June 22. He was 40 years old. Beautiful. We built our lives around him. It’s hard to get up in the morning. How could he have done this to us.
I am so sorry Roz, it is so hard to find any understanding. I have done a lot of research on suicide and I am sure he did not intend to cause you so much pain. A suicidal,person does not have rational thoughts and they are in so much pain they just want to do anything to end the pain. I have spoken to people who have attempted suicide and most of the time they say they thought they were a burden.
In time you will find ways to live a different life while remembering and honouring your son. You may have to accept that you will never know why or understand. Sending you love and best wishes as you face this nightmare journey, but please know there are other parents who understand and who have survived and go I to live happy lives, even though there is always a huge piece of them missing