Category Archives: parents

Awakening from a coma

It’s been just over two years since I encountered the life shattering tragedy of losing my son Toby to suicide. I have spoken before about the trauma being like a brain injury, everything I knew, believed in and valued was … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, gratitude, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | 22 Comments

I hope you had the time of your life

I remember distinctly the first time I heard this song. I was watching a documentary on BBC2 about a family who had a son who was autistic. He got so distressed by eveyday life, they had moved to some remote … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

If only we could bottle memories

I wonder if in these futuristic times in which we live, we will ever be able to store up feelings and memories and then re-experience them in virtual reality. One of the recurring statements I hear from people who have lost … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Loss, parents, suicide, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

It is there

Warning – this post contains some content that may upset bereaved parents It is there. It is there when I wake up in the morning, it is there as I get ready for work, it is there as I drive … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, guilt, Loss, parents, suicide | 15 Comments

Dear Toby,

Dear Toby, Today is your 25th birthday but you are not around for me to see how you have changed and grown up, you will be forever frozen at 23. I wonder if you would have changed much, but I … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Christmas, guilt, Healing, Loss, parents, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

I don’t want this to be the way my story ends….

Hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, since I lost Toby I have pondered my desire to carry on living. I still don’t know how I have carried on, because if you had asked me 2 years ago how I would … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

How will I carry on?

I have written before about comparing intense grief to having a disability like losing a limb. Of course we would have rather we had lost a limb than our child, but the point I’m making is that we have to … Continue reading

Posted in bereavement, Grief, guilt, Healing, Loss, parents, suicide | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment