How can I turn loss into inspiration

I am aware that I don’t want the overriding theme of my life to be beareavement and suicide, however I do feel that I can use my pain to help others.

To help other parents, to help people understand what I am going through and maybe, just maybe the ultimate goal to save the life of a young person considering this drastic action.

A few things have happened this week. I have been asked to write an article for the Cambridge news about my story. About Toby, about what happened in the hope it may reach out to others affected by this tragic event.

I was also directed to an article in The Guardian about a fantastic organisation called CALM – the Campaign against living miserably, you can read the article here

This organisation specifically helps young men who are suffering depression and is spreading the message that ‘The silence is killing us’, referring to the fact that young men just don’t talk about their feelings.

I keep thinking, what can I do to help? Ultimately the only thing I can do to bring hope from Toby’s death is to reach out and help others.

So I am writing the article, and I have approached CALM to ask if I can post a blog on their site, a message to young people from a mother who has lost their son. To let them know what it feels like, to let them know that if they think they are a burden alive, what burden will they be leaving behind when they are gone. I know it is a cliche we hear all the time, but if it saves one life then my mission will be accomplished.

When I walk my dog I can talk to myself in my head and feel I can express emotions sometimes better in my ‘mind talk’ than I can when I sit down in front of my computer and try to type the words to describe how I feel.

So I have decided to start video blogging and my first attempt is here

I plan to record a series of short videos to try and express what I have been going through. My aim is to connect parents suffering a similar loss with a view to setting up a forum where we can support each other, this is just the first step.

Thank you for sharing my journey and I would love your feedback on whether I am on the right path.

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2 Responses to How can I turn loss into inspiration

  1. Kate says:

    I find that I am devouring anything you write or post. I lost my son 11 days ago and your words have brought me some healing and hope. Please don’t stop.

    • annwae says:

      I’m so sorry you are facing this awful journey and it helps me knowing my words are comforting others. I found the book by Jeffrey Jackson helped me a lot in the early days, so when you feel ready give it a read. Just take it an hour at a time and do what you feel you need to do – don’t try to act how you you think you should or to please others, if you need to rant and wail, do that if you need to go out shopping do that. You will find your own way to get through this and I wish you all the best on your journey. There is an online support group if you want to talk to other parents who have lost a child to suicide.

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